Fear of the unknown !

dono y exactly i gave such a name to my post !
anyways ......
it seems like an eon... !! patience levels seem to hav hit an ebb these days
i know i m cribbing far 2 more abt being majorly vetti ...!
major is an understatement thoh !
past few days i hav compelled myself to sit down and to do some "thinking"
about my future!
"is everything goin rite ? or just seems to be??
A part of me thinks its just fine, another is worried i m thinking tht way !
everybody goes thru this phase where they qtn everything !
so began a journey of introspection !
am i doin the right thing !?!?
bin pestering ppl who i think know me really well to help me go about
shaping my future...bt realised lately tht no1 knows me better than myself !
The most depressing part of the whole story is tht i hav neva bin passionate
towards anything !a sad reality !
is this job wat i want ???
its kinda amusing actually to find ppl around me throwing themselves on feet
asking me to re-consider my decision.
and with few ppl around me going off to pursure their higher education
hmmm...with my gate preps goin to drains( i kno most ppl readin this are gonna kill me !i ll start preps from tomo for sure...!) m scared !!!!
bewildered n confused !
after hrs,days n weeks of "thinking" i finally realised i still haven stepped
into the next phase of my life and m worrying abt it already !
"hindsight is better than foresight"
"hey cmon be positive,wats wrong with u?!? " quoting my mom verbatim !
i guess i derive all my positive energy from her ! just an hour of
conversation with her was so enlightening tht at the end of it i realised i hav all the time in the world to make mistakes n to recover from them as well !
"jollya iru ! " i told myself ! :)

whats in a name?? well everything is !!

The day began with me waking up really early (like compared to every other day
it was much early ) after some continuous yelling my mom !
i m fed up to the brim with this perpetual complaint "i dont wake up early "
aaaaaaaarggh... this happens everyday ...!!
i was in one of those freaky moods,ready to lash out on anything when ma mom reminded me tht i had to make an enquiry 4 a frnd of mine .............
After a long wait at this end some guy picked up the fone ...i had to wait for
12 rings ....man !! i had lost all my patience by then...!
the conversation begun... he spoke with an accented and highly adulterated english,
it was a mix of tamil,telugu n english with a more of a telugu accent !

mr.X:blah blah blah
me:blah blah
mr.X: ur name maam ?
me:prithyukshaa
mr.X:?!!?...beg ur pardon
me:prithyukshaa *grrrrrr*
mr.X:?!?@@?#!? maam
me:*grrrrrrrrrr*
i repeated !
mr.X:u mean "prisha " ?
me:*u moron cant ya get it right *
i jus bluntly said "no"
mr.X:neva mind !

i hung up !!!!!!! go to hell....!
does it really matter what u r called...well,yes of course at least to me !!
y cant ppl get my name right...
btw whats the right way ??!?! :(

after brooding over this issue,a string of thoughts formed in my mind....
i kno my name is complicated...bt one lovely thing abt having such a complicated
name is tht u tend to get nice nicknames ...sumtimes really cute ones!!
lemme tell ya the story behind my name...
ppl at home wanted to give me a unique name...it was supposed to be pratheeksha
meaning expectation !
i guess a few doses of numerology and the creativity of my granddad and dad transformed my name into how it is now...
just a guess ...how my name came to be is still a mystery to me...the enigma remains!!
At times i do suffer from this wanna-change-my-name syndrome bt all my valiant attempts
towards it have failed miserably,i just cant convince my parents...

hmmm all said and done,there is this particular bonding i have got towards my name,hey
come on its my IDENTITY !!Its nice to hav a different name as long as ppl get it the right way!
In the end it all comes to getting used to whatever ppl call ya !